I am lost in a world where I am fighting for his love that I can not have. For he has limited himself to me. There are parts of him I can not get to. Now, I am left to wonder: How did we reach this point? How did something so good turn for the worse? How do we fix this? What did I do wrong? Where do we go from here?
All the questions I have asked myself and still, I am at a loss for the words which would reward me the answers I so desired. As I sit awaiting his arrival I can not help but wonder why the man I love can’t be the one for. Why can’t he be the man of my dreams? My Mr. Right. Why can’t we be as happy together as we are apart?
I promised myself upon seeing him one last time that this would be the end that I would not go on with his ways. That I was going to become the woman I was meant to be. To live my life the way I want it. Find someone who deserved me as much as I deserve them. Someone worth fighting for their love.
I was going to make sure that he had no control over me anymore. I’d owed it to myself to live my life without him. I deserved a life in which I am respected the way I needed to be. I am done with this business partnership. Done not being intimate with the man I wanted. Done with knowing that he was out there sleeping with somebody else. No more fighting for his love.
When he makes his appearance as he had done the years before in a custom fit business suit. Fitting for a Demi-God which hugged him in more places than one? I pray to not fall over my own feet or bite my tongue in hopes of untying it. For it had taken the better part of the meal for me to adjust my glasses, and gather my thoughts.
I am embarrassed in more ways than one. How was it the man I was attracted to? The man I have waited six years for could find every possible thing attractive except me? As I sat there at the table while he flirted with the beautiful singleton across from us. An attractive twenty-two-year-old, three years my junior. Of slender frame, graceful, busty, long manicured hair and glamorous. Enough so she looked straight from the magazine. When she stood I could see her from the reflection of my water goblet. She was even more breathtaking.
Graced in a figure-fitting Fenty dress she moved towards the restroom. Making it her point of duty to show off her figure. I retreated from probing the conversation any longer, moving to gather the documents he needed. A recollection of how his investments were growing. The ones were done on my behalf. Assets which I thought at the time owned by us both.
I had flown all night to meet him. Within the same hour, I was on my way home on the next plane to California. To await his next request. The meeting ended as my nervousness began. I have no complaints I have achieved everything he said I would. Had the business I always wanted, the degrees I needed, I had grown even more since then. Was smarter now even more prepared.
This time I had one purpose in mind to walk away with my share of the fortune never to return. I had a valid reason to receive it. I was wearing my ticket to freedom. A self-designed suit for women as professional and seductive as they came. I even prepared a business plan. This time I refused to leave Boston without my answer. I came prepared to make a good impression.