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I sat down for an hour waiting for his arrival. Still unsure how to receive him after all these years. My only hope was to get sent on my way with a check. Dousing the latte I had swirling in my hand. I aspirated and settled back in the chair. He would remember that I was here at Carillo’s Restaurant waiting. As he had requested me to do. He had never been a man to forget no matter how minute the detail was.

With this in mind, I waited some more. No amount of time spent waiting would affect the freedom I would gain from him. When I saw his personal chauffeur made an entrance. I knew he was not going to show up. Yet in my eagerness, I stood to greet him. Only to get escorted to the Marcello’s Enterprise.

The same building I had no intention of ever setting a foot. When I left for California I had sworn off returning. Now all those nights spent controlling my tears and days spent hardening my resolve. All wasted as I recoiled to the woman I had sworn off ever being again. As I ascended in the elevator to his Penthouse.

I realized how much I was still that eighteen years old. Swooning over the first guy I met with enough intellectual capacity to match mine.  Mind wondered to the young dumbfounded teen I was hanging onto his every word. Hoped to get noticed but was always overlooked. Even now as I go before him he would have a dazed look. Looking right at me but not seeing me at all.

All the things I had long since forgotten kept returning. The endless teasing and jeering I suffered through at the hands of my fellow interns. They had said he would not go for a girl like me. How I am not his type? How I am wasting my time hoping for more? They were right by the painful feelings of my heart breaking time and time again. There was no doubt only certainty of how true their words were. As he chose another looking past me.

The unexpected

For no matter how I excelled. No matter how much of an asset I became. It only served for him to ship me off to California. Where I am making investments on his behalf for a percentage of the profit. Here, once more standing in the waiting area left alone to stare after them. Left alone to watch him choose another.

This time a beautiful seductive blond clad in red made her way over to him as he lounged in the chair.  It is evident he was waiting as he checked his watch. She moved towards him with each efficient sway of her hips her intention clear. I could not count the number of times I wished to be that girl. Fantasizing what it would be like to be near him. Wanted by him beyond the point of being another conquest. I had long since stopped counting the number of things I would give for a chance to do that. Providing I could swallow my pride and moral complex first.


When she moved to saddle him, seated on his lap she took control taking from him as much as she was giving. His intent was clear as he removed the straps from her shoulders to sink his face in the hollow of her bosom. There was no need to watch I knew his every move. I had seen them all before performed on the woman I once thought to be my closest friend. From the moment she found out my childish obsession with him. Made it her point of duty to go to bed with him.

I was hurt. I felt foolish. Yes, I should move on. But why am I here? Why am I waiting for a man I can not have? Hurting from his every rejection? Why am I still fighting a battle I have already lost? Above all why can’t I get over him?

More Tears for him

As tears filled my eyes I hastened to flee from the scene. All my preparation to report to him was a waste. All the hours I spent trying to look my best. To look as professional and alluring as possible. All a waste as she rests there having his way with another. Biting my lip I stifled my cries.  In my retreat, I stumbled into the astonished maid carrying a tray of treats and champagne. Spilling the contents on his bare wooden floor.  I followed the gray suit to the floor in my failed attempt to restore order.

At the squeal of my name, I numbed, turning to the source. I could not believe my eyes. After all these years. On his arm grinning from ear to ear. Smiling victoriously as she rested against his shoulder. What a vision they were together picture perfect? The thing I long to be. I could not risk her telling him all the amorous feelings I longed to share with him.

I have something more pressing at hand. What was she doing here? In Boston? On his arm? Grinning at me.

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